How Our Son Will See Us

by Erica Layne on November 20, 2013

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He’ll see our broken relationship. This sweet boy of mine.

He’ll see misfired words and two people trying so hard not to take offense when none was intended.

He’ll hear us talk about heavy things that I *think* are going right over his head.

He’ll see me roll my eyes when I shouldn’t and lose a grip on my tone when I should have kept it.

He’ll see me overthink things and retreat into myself.

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He’ll also see his dad give me a butterfly kiss in the kitchen so as not to mess up my lipstick before we go out.

He’ll see me hold the cheese on his dad’s taco because I want him to live a much longer life than his grandfather did.

Through his cracked doorway when he’s supposed to be sleeping, he’ll see that man of mine carry in unreasonably heavy boxes from Costco, so that I didn’t have to heft six cans of formula and two bags of frozen chicken breasts in addition to our three kids.

Without me ever realizing it, he’ll see us, over and over and over, open our hearts to each other, even though opening your heart is always a risk.

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This little boy of mine will feel my arms pull him in, and he’ll hear me explain that people mean well but that we all make mistakes.

One hundred thousand times before he’s grown, he’ll hear me say, “We’re all just trying our best.”

And someday, when it’s his turn to rub shoulders in the night with the woman he loves—both of them unconsciously restless because it is the time the baby usually wakes up—he’ll know.

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He’ll know that on the bad days, compatibility may feel illusive, but that on even worse days, the force of your commitment to each other makes everything a little easier.

He’ll know that people are broken, because his mom and dad were.

I wonder, sometimes, what he’ll take to his future relationship.

Then I look at my husband and myself, and I realize I already know.

 

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Linked up with Grace at Home and On Your Heart.  

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Desirae November 20, 2013 at 11:30 pm

Great post, Erica! I love that broken things actually work really well sometimes…and thank goodness for that!

Lisa November 21, 2013 at 4:23 am

Simply beautiful.
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alane November 21, 2013 at 3:06 pm

I love the notion that we are broken, because that is the only way light and love can get in and spill out….thanks for the great post!
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Erica - Let Why Lead November 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Hi Alane! You said it so well. I hope I will always remember that image—of light spilling through our brokenness. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
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Amy | Club Narwhal November 21, 2013 at 3:57 pm

Erica, this was just perfect. I love reading about your experiences with motherhood because you keep it real but full of grace and humility. And while I am not a mother, I cherish your words. Thank you, dear friend!
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Erica - Let Why Lead November 21, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Thank you so much, Amy! I hope you guys have fun things planned for Thanksgiving! Miss you!

Jessica November 21, 2013 at 6:01 pm

This post was so beautifully written, it gave me chill bumps. Well done. Loved reading it. My son is just 6 months old, but I know I will be feeling some of the exact same things you describe as he grows. Thank you for sharing.

Erica - Let Why Lead November 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

Thank you so much, Jessica! I can hardly believe my son is five now—and no longer that chubby 6-month-old that I adored. It is so interesting to see him pick up on more now. But I love it when he notices my husband compliment me or how he’s starting to pick up (just barely) on the difference between friendship and romantic love. :) (He’s curious about “girlfriends” vs. “friends who are girls”! Haha!) It is really such a fun ride.

I already took a peak at your blog – It looks great! I’m excited to check out more. Let’s keep in touch!

Cindy November 21, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Beautifully written and so true! They will remember far more of what they see than what they are told. Enjoy these beautiful days of them being young, time passes by so quickly.
Blessings,
Cindy

Erica - Let Why Lead November 21, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Thank you, Cindy! I am doing my best to savor it! I’ve noticed that with my boys being a bit more independent (3 1/2 and 5), I’m not as overwhelmed as I used to be, and I’m able to roll with it and enjoy it more.

And I always appreciate the reminder.

Best to you, Cindy!

Jamie November 22, 2013 at 5:54 am

This made me cry….you have a way with words that hits home every time I read one of your post.

Erica - Let Why Lead November 22, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Thanks so much, Jamie! Love you!
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Callie November 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Love this!
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Erica - Let Why Lead November 22, 2013 at 3:21 pm

Hi Callie! It’s great to see your cute little picture pop up on here! Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

melissa@joyineveryseason November 22, 2013 at 11:04 pm

beautiful! Love this because it’s so true “ the force of your commitment to each other makes everything a little easier.” Your children are blessed indeed!

Aprille @beautifulinhistime.com November 23, 2013 at 12:54 pm

This post was incredibly comforting to me. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Erica - Let Why Lead November 23, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Hi Aprille! And *I’m* touched by your comment. Thanks, girl. Enjoy your Thanksgiving week!

Ashley Ponder Richards November 24, 2013 at 3:34 pm

I love these words. I try to always keep in mind what I want my son to remember about his parents and his childhood. It often helps me do the right thing. As parents we want what is best for our children.
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emma @ {from my little pinkc couch} February 10, 2014 at 4:53 pm

Erica! I absolutely love this post! My kids are 12 & 8 and It seems I ask myself a hundred times a day, “would I want my son’s wife to speak to him this way?” or “would I want my daughter to treat her husband this way?” They become who we are!!! Such a good reminder!

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