My husband walked side by side with the Honda salesman while my pregnant self did my best to keep up. I was a few feet behind them, with the words, “We have two boys already,” on the tip of my tongue when I saw a little wave of my husband’s hand that I knew meant he’d rather keep personal details to ourselves. When shopping for a minivan, if they know you’re soon to be a family of five, you’re giving away all your playing cards. To the salesman, we would have gone in two seconds from casual viewers to desperate, overcrowded parents who drive a teeny tiny Corolla.
We looked at several vans that day, with three different salesmen. Each time, it took everything I had not to burst out with—
“Yes! I know how messy kids are and how much nicer it would be to wipe down leather!”
“Yes! I know it would be nice not to worry about my kid opening a door and slamming it into another car!” (Bless those sliding doors.)
“Yes! I know how great it would be to comfortably fit three carseats in one row. Why do you think I want a van??
I’m a mom! I know!
I remember the first time I went to Target alone, after having my first baby. It was inconceivable that the people walking around me, leisurely browsing greeting cards and bath towels, didn’t know that I was now a mother. A helpless, beautiful, tiny life depended on me! I was a completely different woman than the last time I had walked into Target—before giving birth.
Four and a half years later, I may not be bursting with the news that I’m a mom, but I cannot fathom my life any other way. Motherhood is so much a part of me that I couldn’t help slipping to one of the car salesmen that we actually already have two children. (Shhh! Don’t tell my husband!) I seriously could not restrain myself.
Being a mother is who I am. It’s who I’m becoming.
And even when I’m plastered in spit up or just plain beat at the end of a day, there is still no one else I’d rather be.
Welcome! If you like being a mom, making a home, and living with purpose, you’ll fit right in! Like me on facebook for (non-obtrusive) updates or follow along in a reader. Grateful you’re here!
All linked up with the Bliss Project, Desire to Inspire, Thriving Thursdays, and Grace at Home.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Hahaha! I laughed out loud at a few things – Ryan’s shushing you and your knowing exactly why (it’s so great to read each other’s minds sometimes) and I especially laughed at the fact you slipped it to someone anyway. Laughed for genuine, out loud, which I rarely do (and now I regret it because Adrie won’t let it go and wants to know why and I just don’t want to go to the effort of explaining it to her lol).
You described so eloquently the feeling of being without that new little miracle and feeling a little identity-less – I always feel so amused being at stores without my kids and bemusedly think to myself “haha, if only they knew.” The feeling doesn’t go away with #3 etc.
And a van! So exciting! Seriously jealous. Love you.
Thanks, Alaina! I do think the story is even better if you know Ryan and can picture him waving me off. haha. Miss you!
I love this post, and I’m even more excited that you’re getting a van! I’ve got vans on the brain and we don’t even have #3 yet. I want to hear more about your van if you end up getting one.
I loved this! I started to feel that way in stores without my children right after Ben was born and I still do. I’m glad I’m not the only one! Did you decide on a van? We have loved our Sienna, but the Odyssey was our other option. You will LOVE all the space!
Hey Katie! Thanks for the comment! After so much van shopping that Trenton told Ryan, “Dad, I think you like vans TOO much,” we finally pulled the trigger and got an Odyssey. I’m kinda afraid to drive it, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it! :)
I feel exactly the same way! Motherhood is one of the least glamorous but MOST important, most meaningful jobs that a woman can ever hope to have. My friends without kids don’t seem to understand the immense sacrifice or the enormous joy that come with having a little life depend on you, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!!
Evanthia of merelymothers recently posted..Win One of Our Favorite Big Brother/Sister Gifts from Our Newest Mommy Entrepreneur
It is crazy how much being a mother changes you and becomes your identity! Can’t believe you are nearly on round number 3! And getting a mini van! You are a wonderful mom.
Always enjoy reading your posts!!! Funny that I identify in so many ways. Since I’m a school teacher, IF I go to the store during the middle of a school day, I look around thinking to myself: “none of these people are school teachers.” Keep up the writing!
Me too, me too! I can so relate. And we had our kids along with us when we bought our minivan, so there was no hiding our desperation. :)
Becky Kopitzke recently posted..Nobody Loves Her Like I Do
I just bought my 2nd minivan. :)
Ashley Ditto recently posted..Love, Reconnected (and my new contributor job!)
You go girl! :)
It’s super crazy – but motherhood has been my identity for years and years. And I’m not a mom. I’m walking that crazy hard road of infertility, and I recently wrote about how infertility robs you of your perceived identity.
So glad you linked up with Desire to Inspire! I hope you’ll join us again!
Amanda {A Royal Daughter} recently posted..Desire to Inspire #23
Thank you for the sweet comment, Amanda! If motherhood (including becoming one) is part of your journey, I think it makes perfect sense to identify as one! I’m going to go look for your post. Thank you for commenting, and best wishes!